Pour yourself a nice glass of fizzy milk. By: SARAH RENSE
Cold” is a good word to describe milk. “Frothy,” if it’s just been poured. “Creamy,” too, if you adhere to 2-percent or above. “Fizzy,” however, is not a good word to describe milk. And yet, here we are.
In case you thought this year couldn’t get any dumber, Arla, one of the U.K.’s biggest milk producers, is making a “sparkling fruit and milk” drink to combat falling milk sales, the Telegraph reports. Apparently, human beings are no longer equipped to ingest liquid unless it resembles sparkling water—the LaCroix effect, if you will. This way, they say, milk suddenly will become fun to drink, like a soft drink, while remaining healthy, unlike most sparkling beverages on the market. Sure, Arla.
By definition, a glass of milk cannot sparkle. It’s opaque. Just so we’re clear.
Arla will test fizzy milk in the U.K., Singapore, and the U.A.E. before going global. While milk in the U.S. remains still—Coca Cola tried and failed with Vio carbonated milk—other countries have presumably given up and given in to various fizzy milk products.
The complete dissonance between taste and texture aside, Arla could either launch this new milk product or compete directly with non-dairy milk products. Given the lock coconut and almond milk have on contemporary food culture, this honestly makes more sense. If you can’t woo tastebuds, you can at least try surprising them.